vibrators can be your best friend
- tamarweir8
- Jan 2
- 8 min read
Written by: Tamar Simone Weir
Vibrators.... Vibrators....Vibrators.....
In my childhood, adolescence, or teenage years I didn't hear much about vibrators. I knew what sex was as a larger concept, but didn't have the knowledge that adults could have toys too and that these things were very beneficial, valuable, and taboo in many circles.
As we enter into the new year, I'd really love to see more people incorporating toys in the bedroom, out the bedroom, and just in general. Vibrators are just one of the many toys that are out there in this world. Societal stigma of using a vibrator, openly talking about vibrator usage, and even their lack of use in porn and general media like movies highlights how there is still such fear, shame, and judgement surrounding this aspect of pleasure and human curiosity. I WANT TO SEE MORE VIBRATORS IN MOVIES... LIKE NOW!
While doing some online research about vibrators (not a bad way to accidentally spend 3 hours) I came across a beautiful short film that is so uniquely illustrated with unique little visuals. It's about 10 minutes long so you should definitely give it a watch, as it tells the story of a woman who gets a mystery box and inside is a vibrator. Watch it here to see what happens next, but you won't be disappointed.
I remember back in the day in my Sex and Gender class in college, learning some interesting things about vibrators and the human body. My professor at the time was this amazing polyamorous queen who delivered her information with spunk and confidence. She claimed that many historians cited the first vibrator being used in medical offices by male doctors. These doctors were previously using their hands to perform "massages" to their female patients who were diagnosed with hysteria, and then began to incorporate massagers as a way to make their job easier. "Therapeutic vibratory stimulation has its origin in the historical condition known as female hysteria, associated with excessive emotions and thought to be related to marital relationships, orgasm, and pregnancy, said Dubinskaya. Early practitioners who treated the condition used manual pelvic massage to bring women to orgasm, which was thought to reduce the emotionality." Sexuality, anatomy, and sex all are connected to the historical, political, and societal landscape of the time. What is socially "acceptable" behavior has historically been acts that do not deviate away from putting cis straight men at the center. This is why sex education is SOOOOO important, even today as the digital age grows and grows, education is increasingly needed as a way to literally save lives, and to increase our pleasure as individuals and collectively.
Speaking of the collective, and historical connections to the present.... One of the most famous vibrators of all time is the Hitachi Wand. This wand actually started out as a massager for the body, and was not initially made as a sex toy, although now many sex toy companies have made their versions of this wand, with tweaks, changes, and new elements but based on the original. I don't own one, but I have used one and let me tell you it DOES live up to the hype.... The wand was manufactured by Hitachi, and that is where it gets its name from, and although it originally was created as a tool to relieve tension, not long after people figured out that it could also relieve sexual tension....
To learn a bit more about the history, and why these wands are so iconic, I recommend you read this insightful article. In addition, on this site theres LOTS of juicy information about all things kink, and some really creatively written dirty stories. Take a peek;)
Back in 2017, my sister bought me my first vibrator, and similar to the woman in the short film, it arrived at my college dorm, with my name on the box but with no other identifying characteristics to point me to the direction of who this was from. At the time I was in a highly exploratory moment of my sexual evolution, so I was thrilled to receive a mystery vibrator, it was the best present of all, but also a little freaky, like who is pranking me right now? I of course didn't linger too long on the negative side of it, and calculated the perfect time to try it out, having to plan very strategically when my two roommates in my dorm would be either at their classes or at the dining hall. Lets just say I was successful in using this first vibrator of mine in the privacy of my shared triple dorm room. Many times after that though I was not, as they repeatedly walked in on me during solo play sessions and sexy sex sessions with other people throughout that year. Sorry not sorry, although they were very innocent nice girls so I hope they were able to process anything uncomfy and move on from that.....
I'm really grateful for some supportive badass people in my life who have definitely shaped who i am today and my sexual openness, and my now soon to be career! Not everybody has that, a majority of people do not have supportive folks to ask their sex questions, and ponder their curiosities with.
One of my favorite websites that makes sex education really accessible and fun, is Oh Joy Sex Toy. They have hundreds of articles and a comic review about sex toys including lots of vibrators! I really recommend checking out their site and spending some times reading their amazing comics. I can easily spend a few hours on there only realizing a few hours later what time it is....
Bounty of Benefits: AND not limited to...
(see if you can add any benefits to this list from your own experience/creativity)
-enhance connection to your body
-improve sleep
-increase blood flow
-the vibrations can be calming
-can be used to massage body and therefore release tension
-increase orgasms
-increase pleasurable sensations in the body
-decrease negative body image insecurities
-can connect you closer to your partner/s
-can connect you closer to your genitals
-another option if your hands are not accessible due to trauma
-enhances arousal and therefore can enhance lubrication
-reduce pain due to the release of endorphins
-great for pelvic floor health
-increase nerve response
-safe way to explore diverse stimulation
-can be quick and easy if you're in a tim crunch
-don't have to worry about risk of pregnancy
Let's leave using our vibrators in secret when we are all alone in 2025..... I really want to see more people bringing their vibrators in their purses, on their travels, and in airport security. Like yes... this is my vibrator she is my friend and accompanies me! I speak with many people in their 20's and 30's who feel encouraged to use vibrators and talk about their vibrator use but when it comes time to incorporate these toys into partner play they are inexperienced or feel a sense of shame for introducing this into their sexual or romantic dynamic. While the reasoning can vary person to person depending on the relationship, I've noticed some common themes of not wanting to start an uncomfortable conversation, not wanting to make their partner feel inferior, and also feeling shame for their desires. Now, all of those emotions are valid given our societal and historical structures that prioritize maintaining a status quo of what "healthy" sexuality looks like, and that is white eurocentric heterosexual monogamous sex.
Now, incorporating vibrators into your sexual encounters WILL help you. I can't predict the exact ways or benefits you will experience, but I KNOW and i TRUST that it will. Whether it's in the physical way of perhaps increasing your frequency of orgasms or intensity ... Or the mental by opening you up to new possibilities and increasing your self esteem . Or the emotional by helping you to unpack those deep little shame stories that are inside of us all...
Enhancing Intimacy with your partner/s!
It can be challenging to open up conversations about taboo topics, but it doesn't have to feel impossible, and I find that once the words start flowing it becomes easier and easier. Some fun ways to incorporate vibrators into partner play can be endless, and really using your own creativity and knowledge about your unique body is gonna be your guide, but I will share some juicy ways that I have found quite amazing throughout the years. You can use a vibrator while you are laying down and your partner is behind you cuddling. This is a nice one for a quicky or a more low energy session. You can also use a vibrator while you are exploring penetration, different positions are easier than others depending on height difference, furniture etc. You can also stand up and use a vibrator on yourself and your partner, if you have two hands and they want to feel the vibrations as well. You can lay down and have your partner use the vibrator on your body, not exclusively on your genitals, but exploring many parts of your body. I know that from my own experience as someone who loves to feel many sensations at once, I particularly enjoy using a vibrator on my own body while I am focusing my attention on my partner by pleasuring them in various ways. If you're someone that likes to focus on one thing at a time and finds simultaneous pleasure/lots of sensation overwhelming then maybe this one won't be your favorite but you can always explore it if you're curious and then come to a conclusion for what works for you and your partner. But at the end of the day, if there's more pleasure, laughter, and creativity it's not a bad or negative thing for your sexual and intimate life. It does not need to be kept a secret or only used when you are alone or your partner is on vacation for the holidays. Also if it feels weird to have a foreign object around, name your vibrator or toys, like you would for other things you own and love. I know that it started as a silly joke for me but i genuinely love my vibrator and have given not every one a name, because honestly there's a lot, but I have given some names and love it. Why wouldn't something that has so many amazing benefits and memories attached to it not deserve to be named?
Also, I know that as I started incorporating vibrators into my sex life with my partners, especially at the beginning when I had not entered into my queer journey yet, these men did not have experience with vibrator use in their partner but also for themselves. And vibrators / toys are not only for women.... They are heavily associated with being used for women's pleasure, but thats not the only person who can benefit from owning or exploring vibrators. If you have a body, you can explore this. If you are open, then this can be for you. You don't need to identify as a woman or a vulva owner. You can just want to feel pleasure and regarding vibrators as something that only cis women can or should use is exclusionary to many gender queer folk, trans folks, and people whose genitals are not what mainstream sex negative education deems as a vulva. Vibrators can be used on penises, although less commonly talked about in sex education, they can be used on all body parts, some vibrators being more suited to certain curves of the body.
All in all, I really hope that more people start using vibrators. I genuinely think I would be a different person, a VERY different person if i hadn't stumbled upon that mystery box containing my first vibrator. And if anyone ever needs advice, or a discount code, hit me up. Vibrators need to be accessible for all bodies!
Comments