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Written by: Tamar Simone Weir I've always been a very curious person by nature, in my soul, and deep in my heart. Whether it is learning something new and going out of my comfort zone to do that, or fully immersing myself in an experience that I know will be scary or rewarding, i'm always looking to learn and to feed my curiosities. This might stem from being the youngest child and taking on the observer lense in many situations, as a way to understand what was happening in front of me, the overt and the covert. Unpacking through observation. Another part of me is the part that finds freedom and safety through exploration and newness. I believe, this is partly due to my astrological sign.... I am a sagittarius and a leo moon. To me this combination creates a lil juicy dynamic where I am constantly seeking adventures, freedom loving experiences, I am philosophical and open minded as well. To learn more about your astrological combination and perhaps guide you to some deeper understandings of yourself, check out the link here. For the sake of this blog, I want to dive deep into the intricacies of exploration, kink, and the interplays of new dynamics with different romantic and sexual partners. Kink has historically been demonized and shamed. Like anything juicy and interesting.... heavy stigma was connected to people who wanted to live and experience pleasure beyond the binary of the conservative scripts of our horrible sex education and media propaganda. Kinky behavior is nothing new, this shit is ancient and deeply woven into the fabrics of many people's experiences in societies and cultures in the depths of history. For example, the oldest dildo is 28,000 years old! German archeologists discovered a shiny and smooth phallic item in 2005, and was identified as one of the oldest sex toys ever! There is so much sexual and romantic history, that shapes the way society views kink in general, and the stigma that is intentionally attached to anything that deviates from the perception of what is the norm. Scholar and Historian Esmé Louise James discusses the intricacies of how kink was prevalent in history and the ways that we can write kink back into the pages and narratives of everyday life. Esmé highlights key moments in history where we see kinky behavior and desires being displayed in her Ted talk. Some notable and interesting examples in her discussion are.., foot cleavage in the syphilis epidemic, foot sex in the AIDS era, and the first dildo!! But what really impacted me about her video was the emphasis on unpacking the shame and stigma around the conversations about kink, sex, identity, and gender. For me, I started exploring non vanilla sex at a young age, but in small ways. I loved getting blindfolded and bought my first very bad quality set, that included handcuffs, a blindfold, and a lil whip. I do remember feeling nervous to introduce this to my partners, and boyfriends at the time. They were not necessarily the most judgemental people, but they were very heteronormative. With my partner in college, I remember being able to have conversations in a deeper way about our desires, and this lead to talking about our kinks..... At this time, I also had a habit of asking my new lovers to take the BDSM test , to learn more about each other through this easy yet effective way of receiving information.. these are my results as of today! I like to periodically retake the test, as my results change based on my life experiences! Seeing people's reactions to me suggesting they take this test was always interesting..... Some people were very excited and turned on by my request and suggestion, but others looked confused and wondered why this was necessary for us to have sex... why was this connected? At the time, I did not have all the answers as to why this was important to me, but intuitively I knew that this was something that brought me joy and expansion. An opportunity to learn more about the depths of my being, and truly feel for myself what my limits were... I realize now that I don't need all my partners to identify as kinky, or be completely compatible with my top results from the BDSM test..... As I embark on the journey of pleasure and my desires, I know that there will be people who like a certain flavor, and others who are into a combination... I know I can find a sexual dynamic that is satisfying and exhilarating and it does not need to be the basis for all my relationships, that is why polyamory is so liberating and lifesaving to me. Something I would also LOVE to highlight is being able to explore kink in safe and sexy spaces.... This September I attended my first "Sex Down South" Conference in Atlanta. This conference is filled with beautiful people talking about their passions and their ever evolving work. The conference was created with the intention of centering black and brown 2SLGBTQIA+people.. I was naturally very curious as my kinky exploration has been in mainly white spaces up until recently.... So I bought my ticket and went to this three day extravaganza.... I was very nervous, arriving alone and being in a room with hundreds of people was intimidating.... It was new and therefore a bit uncomfortable.... But also exhilarating and beautiful to receive so much information and space to explore.. For the juicy, detailed descriptions of all the fun I had, contact me separately and we can talk! But in my first experience there I can say, I would 100% go again, I would recommend this conference to people in the sex field but also lovers and curious folks who want to dive deep into the steamy... Untitled- A picture I drew of my lover and I. With my current partner, we have had quite a few conversations about sex and intimacy... He is a cis man, sorta straight, neurodivergent and leans more into relationship anarchy/ non labels.... I am a cis woman, queer, neurotypical, and very poly! When we first started dating, I remember we came across many ways that we were very different. First of all, his first language is Spanish, and mine is English, so in our basic communication, we had to find ways to be creative. To open ourselves up, to find that rythm, and within that, balance. There were many ways in which we showed up in the relationship in ways that the other didn't... For instance for me, before beginning sex or initiating, I always have a conversation first. This is due to my very verbal nature, but also because of my positive herpes status which has pushed me in having hard conversations and figuring out the ways I wanted to communicate about my body in ways that felt healing and good. In his case, as someone who is neurodivergent and is constantly overwhelmed with many thoughts and having to find ways to communicate them in ways that other people will accept, he found bliss in not always having to communicate verbally, but communicate with feeling. Obviously our ways of entering into intimacy were very different and this did cause some questioning and discovery in the beginning. Moments of "How Can you Do it this Way?" and stepping into the thought process of the other..... Another example of the way in which we are different is in some of our desires... Well duh, I think most partnerships contain some level of diversity in desires and needs. I am a dominant person in my everyday life, like I said I am very vocal and make my opinions known. I like making decisions and being in control. I like information. And so in my sexual relationships, I like to feel that someone else/other people are in control. That they are deciding, and taking the lead. In that, I also enjoy playing with the boundaries of pain and pleasure. The roughness. And this I learned feels very good to me. So... one day I asked him to slap me. To me this was a request I had made many times in the past, so it felt ordinary and didn't make me think twice. My request started a larger conversation, a door that we opened and entered for a while.. He deepened his sharing with me that throughout his childhood he was hit frequently with hands and belts as a common way of discipline. These intense experiences with his family throughout many years of his life impacted the way he related to this physical act, one that created pain and confusion for him as a child. It also affected the way he liked and enjoyed sex, and relating with bodies. For him, he liked the more smooth rhythm and dynamic of the union bodies, while for me I liked the rougher stuff. I grew up in a family where I never felt scared or fear of being disciplined in that violent way. I came into my kinky discovery without that layer of intensity attached to impact play. Through many conversations and moments, we came to find harmony in that we both liked very different things maybe more naturally, but that we could come together and explore the desires of the other person and enjoy them too. Through the bond and the trust we cultivated we shifted what our limits were previously, and experimented with feeling the discomfort but also knowing we could push ourselves in new ways that also felt healing. Me :) 2023 Kinky behavior has been studied and investigated quite a lot. But the undertones and overtones are most often to further the agenda of pathologizing people with these desires and behaviors. Kink and BDSM has often been considered a result of severe trauma in that person, and that there is inherently a traumatic reason for the person to want or desire this certain sexual fantasy or dynamic. Few studies have been conducted as a way to understand the diverse desires and experiences people can have without further stigmatizing sexuality.... The Journal of Sexual Medicine published an article in 2015, exploring sexual fantasies of 1,516 adults who ranked their favorite sexual fantasies out of 55. Through their analysis they concluded that more care should be taken before labeling sexual fantasies unusual, weird, or deviant. Another article that explores sex research in relation to kink, is through the sex worker and researcher Aella. Aella conducted the largest every study on fetishes and what is has to teach us about sex and pleasure.... Aella explores how each fetish has a place and that through their research they hope to normalize people with fetishes. Kink appears to be a common element of sexual fantasies with over 60% of a canadian sample, reporting fantasizing about one or more aspects of kink, contrary to the assumptions that kinky people are pathological and rare.... If you're reading this blog I think it's worth taking a moment to reflect on what you know about yourself, kink, and your beliefs.... How did you first learn about kink, BDSM, and fetishes? What are the messages you ingested about these topics? What are some biases you think you carry with you about kink, BDSM and fetishes? Does somebody's desires and kinkiness change the way you think about them in a negative or positive way? How are you either willing or unwilling to open up your ideas about sex, pleasure, and pain? If you are curious about spreading the love of kink and trying some juicy things, I am so thrilled to include some resources below to help you feel less alone in this exploration. Midori Fetlife Sex Geek Beducated Kink Questionnare Healingwithkink I will add more as well, feel free to periodically check back in!

Written by: Tamar Simone Weir masturbate go on a walk and scream write a poem without thinking too much get a diary watch the stars on a hot night massage your feet plant some seeds facetime a loved one put your feet on the floor drink some herbal tea find a new erotic film give yourself a hug write down all the things you feel try to wear more color sing one of your favorite songs even if you dont know all the words do something you used to love doing as a kid get on a bike, or learn how to ride a bike go on a walk without your phone take a warm bath take a cold plunge bath tell someone a compliment that is genuine investigate something you always had a question about find the answer go to a new restaurant by yourself sit at the park and just admire talk to your indoor plants take nudes only for yourself find a new celebration to celebrate, small or big break something rip up some papers write your desires and fears and watch them burn into the flame go to an event with a colorful wig, see what personality comes out create an alter ego name find a fun non alcoholic beverage to make buy a new vibrator on sale put lotion on every inch of your body go to sleep fully naked on a hot summer night do something you've never done before go on a hike put honey on your face learn something about your grandparents pick flowers as you walk, see what bouquet you create do a cartwheel, or as close as you can get to one do a somersault give away 5 things to someone who would appreciate it let out that fart buy something you never said you would wear, let go of the fear skip like a wild child tell someone your opinion when normally you'd stay quiet write an affirmation on your mirror, practice saying it out loud take a free class, dance, art, cooking, exercise etc (many studios give you a first class for free) dress up and stay home dress up and go out be naked in your own space Breathe really hard and let out the sounds that feel natural to you.

Written by: Tamar Simone Weir My first official boyfriend was a narcissist, and an emotionally abusive 15 year old white boy. He was sorta charming in the I'm going to be mean to you kind of way. He was a guy who liked to eat his burgers completely plain, I mean nothing other than bun and meat... He was like that in other ways too, very particular, it had to be his way. As a 15 year old, figuring out this large concept of love, lust, and intimacy, I trusted the words he said, I fell into this relationship where I felt responsible for not only my own emotions but for his completely and fully every moment of the day. He had no emotional intelligence or awareness, and although I did, I was unfamiliar with asking for what I needed emotionally and sexually. This was all new to me. This attention from a boy, who wanted me. Some core memories I have from our time together was me giving him a blow job in his parents shower and his mom walking in on us and the absolute look of shame she had on her face. I remember him crashing my beloved families car and forcing me to say that I was the one driving, keeping his secret for years. He still owes me thousands of dollars and an apology. I remember going to his family's easter party and eating lots of shrimp, unfamiliar in the cold space. I remember having my first sexual experiences with him, centering our sexual nights around his pleasure, his penis, his orgasm, and his body. I don't remember once having an orgasm, maybe there was one splashed in there once or twice for the year we dated, but the fact that I don't remember ever having experienced an orgasm with him probably means it was so uneventful or nonexistent. I remember driving to his house to break up with him, him in my car not getting out, begging me to take him back, me waiting and waiting raising my voice begging him to get out of my car, and the biggest deep breath I took after he walked away in tears. This relationship taught me that although you can walk into romance with great intentions and an open heart, not all people are ready to receive and love you the way that feels good for you, the way that you need to thrive. He was emotionally coercive, abusive, and manipulative, and unfortunately this situation and relationship dynamic is very common. According to the Childrens Hospital of Philidelphia, 1 in 3 teens in the U.S are a victim of intimate partner violence, whether it be emotional, physical, sexual or verbal. From talking with close friends, I am not alone in this first love story, many have recounted dramatic stories of feeling so lost and hurt by their first sexual or romantic experiences as a teen. Fast forward a few years, many sexual encounters later, many uncomfortable and awkward sexual moments, and many evenings figuring out what I liked. My first year of college, was an expansive and extremely explorative time in my life, I allowed myself to question all the narratives I had heard about love. Some being, that eventually you will find the person who is your other half, two peas in a pod. Another being, that when you really love someone you dedicate yourself to that person, and you don't need other relationships anymore, that one person is enough and more. Up until 2018, I had never questioned those phrases you hear about monogamous love, the phrases that are in all the movies, but being away from home and choosing to explore relationship dynamics was a core memory of my college experience. As a freshman, I wanted to gather all the experiences I could, I said yes to everything, even the things that now looking back I could have said no to, but in that moment, saying yes to everything felt so empowering and powerful. I allowed myself to say yes to things that made me feel uncomfortable, to things that the Tamar I knew would have not done, to things that I had no idea how they would make me feel. I started reading, and really reading. I would dive into books like " The Ethical Slut " by Dossie Easton , Janet Hardy or "Polysecure" by Jessica Fern. Another impactful read was, "Sex at Dawn" by Christopher Ryan. I would read these books, and highlight the shit out of them, running out of ink, filling up the pages with my curiosities. I read "Oh Joy Sex Toy" by Erika Moen and Matthew Nolan, which opened my awareness to a vast world of sexual possibilities. To read some amazing comics that give humor to these deep and dense topics, I will include their website here. Comic Written and Illustrated by DicksnDemons My first experience with polyamory was in that first year of college. I started dating a guy who at the time had already been quite experienced in polyamory, was older, and a free flow artistic guy. I was immediately drawn to his creative and open spirit, his curiosity for life, and the way that he introduced me to a whole new way of creating intimacy. I was excited to dive deep into what I had been reading, and feel the feelings in real life. We dated on and off for a few years, some of them being more serious and other months more casual and infrequent. I remember feeling insecure many nights, many moments of inexperience in what I wanted in each moment and if that was my truth or just me saying what I only knew to be true from the societal scripts about romance. There was a lot of unlearning to be had. A lot of explaining to people about this adventure that I was on to find myself. Most people assumed that because I was in college this was just a phase, something to explore while you are young and free, untethered to a place and person. So they accepted or tolerated this new found relational way of being that I came to love. While, my first polyamorous relationship in many ways was not the healthiest, full of gaslighting from his part, breaking of many boundaries, and unclear communication, I am immensely grateful for the ways that it taught me to search and speak up for the things that I do know I desire, and the things that I do not yet know, but allow to be possibilities. Throughout my time during the first few years of my exploration, I dated all sorts of people. Artists, skaters, frat guys, surfers, musicians, gym guys, spirituals, nerdy people, dancers, and lots of other random people. I explored saying the words, "I am in an open relationship, I am in a polyamorous relationship, I am seeing other people too". Many people I dated tried to convince me to be monogamous with them, many... and many times I had to learn the difference between what was the best for me in that moment vs what would be the best for me long term. Of course, in those moments, my body wanted to cave in and be monogamous with those people, after all I did like them, we had a connection, and they wanted me, well they wanted me in a monogamous relationship. But the larger part of me deep down, knew that by not honoring the desire and deep authenticity of my relationship exploration at the time I would be putting my own needs and wants to the side. It was hard, it was really hard to say goodbye to really sweet people that I so wanted to stay with. Polyamory for me in the beginning was learning to love myself enough to try to feel new things, to sit with my discomfort, and to later learn to say no to what would not serve me in my mission towards more expansion. During these few years I learned the hard lessons of balance, of finding my inner voice in moments of confusion and a lot about jealousy..... In the investigation for more rawness and realness, I continued this journey with my new partner, whom I had met from a dear friend. He was a surfer, and into plants. He had long flowy hair and this california surfer white boy vibe, so naturally I fell into this nature, ocean romance. We were together for a year, and off and on for a bit after that, before he threatened to call the cops on me and my friend for asking for my stuff back. Slamming the door in my friends face. In this relationship I grew into my style, my desires, my boundaries, and my curiosities. This was the first more serious relationship I had had in polyamory, which meant I was creating my own blueprints to intimacy. I was feeling into what mattered to me, and how I wanted to feel. Instead of two peas in a pod, I wanted many peas in a pod, I wanted open conversations, I wanted to work through the jealousy and not let it take over me. I wanted to be able to talk about my attraction to other people, and to laugh. I wanted to explore my sexuality, explore my body that I was still getting to know in many ways. A part of me died in that relationship and in those few years where I recreated what it meant to be loved and to love. And I know that sounds very dramatic, but I do feel that in order for me to fully step into this role of a young woman, stepping outside of society's narrative and into my own, I had to make drastic changes to the ways I saw society, love, death, and intimacy as a whole. Honoring the part of me that loved deep conversations, that loved to be loyal to those around me, who was a natural caretaker, natural lover, and fierce fighter, but also honor the new parts of myself that were sprouting. The badass who cried hard, the girl who was learning when it was time to let go, and the girl who searched for her pleasure not waiting for it to come but actively seeking it out, unapologetically. And during those hard ass moments where I would be listening to my partner tell me their lust and desire for someone else, my heart literally jumping out of my body, my breathing so hard and fast, my focus on listening, my being completely uncomfortable, but not wanting to react, I birthed another part of me. The part that I nurture to this day, the part that feels compassion and joy for the love of my partners, even when a part of me inside feels insecure or jealous. I learned some tools for that, so that when I felt completely out of control with fear of my partner finding something better with that other person, I could come back to myself, ground myself, and ask for what I needed to feel seen while my partner could be seen in their exploration too. Some tools I learned along the way for helping with feelings of jealousy: don't react right away, take some time whether that be 10 minutes, or a whole evening, just to sit with it, feel it. while your partner is with someone else or doing the thing that makes you feel jealous, do something for you that makes you feel good. create a ritual for your jealousy, it can be reading a book, screaming, stretching, surrounding yourself by other people who love you (family, friends, your own self), a good nap, a journal session, whatever makes you feel alive in a non destructive way. communicate with your partner if you are feeling too jealous or are processing and need time to figure out how you feel, come to an agreement for another meeting point in the future, in 10 min, tomorrow, in a few days, in a few hours, whatever you need. try to identify what is truly making you feel jealous, the deeper feelings behind this. For example, if you haven't seen your partner a lot this week and then you hear they go on a date with someone else, you might be feeling a deeper sense of desire for closeness, so communicating that you want more quality time would create a sense of reassurance and safety. understand and identify the things that make you feel the most uneasy/jealous, in specific terms , the more specific the better it will be for helping you uncover your own blueprint for healing through jealousy. For example: My partner always makes me really cute romantic playlists that tell our love story and now they are making playlists for all of their other lovers, and I feel jealous because that feels like an important part of our unique love, our love for music. So instead of saying and identifying your jealousy as, "I'm jealous when my partner does nice and thoughtful things for their other partners/lovers" you can look deeper into what is really bothering you. And instead of saying " I don't want you to do nice things for your other partners because you should only prioritize me, and make me feel special" you can say something like, "Music feels like something deeply personal to our love and connection, and it made me feel jealous that you shared that sweet thing we do with your other connections, is there any way that this act can be shared between just us for now?" release control, often times I've felt so jealous while my partner was spending time with someone else, texting someone else, telling me about someone else, that I wanted to know all the answers as a way to control the narrative, know all the facts and details to somehow categorize everything and place everything where I wanted it to be. And while, naturally I love to know information and that is just part of my personality, there was some need for me to release the control for information, for data, for categorizing, and just be present. You cannot control what your partner feels, how they think, their deep desires, their darkest insecurities, a lot of what they carry and what we carry comes from years and years of our past life experiences. try to listen like you are a friend and not a committed lover/partner etc. What does this mean? Often times when listening we are not even listening, our hearts are pounding, we suddenly find ourselves in fight, flight, or freeze mode just surviving the moment of hearing our partner share their stories of their experiences with someone else. So next time you both are talking about something difficult like this, literally visualize yourself putting on your friend face, your friend cap. And put it on. Find the beautiful and affirming words that you would use for your best friend, your support that you love to give, find the ways that you show up tenderly when you are in friend mode, and see how that feels. seek support , a coach, a therapist, a supportive group, you don't need to wait until you feel completely overwhelmed, it's great to seek help and assistance along the journey to assist with the process of learning and growth. affirm yourself that jealousy is normal, that feeling jealous is natural, and that while jealousy will come up at any stage of your relationship journey, it is something that can be your friend. Instead of being scared and judging your jealousy as a weakness or fault, see this as a way to connect with yourself on a deeper level, an opportunity to unpack layers of emotions within you that often times stay in the body and never have the moment to be put into the light. I feel like this picture of this dead lizard I found in my backyard perfectly encapsulates the experience of loving, being loved, and the death of your old self when opening up your heart for something new. It literally felt like for me that I was on this beautiful journey of amazing people around me, just like these aromatic roses, sensual, soft, beautiful, and tender, but also that I was shedding my skin, rebirthing myself into a different version of myself, that I had yet to unpack and discover. I was and am like this dead lizard, just basking in the sun, on a rock, balancing and doing the dance of honoring myself and stepping out of societal conditioning, saying goodbye to the structures that I had known my entire life, the systems for relationships in this normative western society, and saying hello to something so hard that it filled many journals, but so worth it, to be in this sun shining, with aromas and love around and within me. How to Authentically be, when you don't know what the fuck you're doing: So as someone who explored polyamory, open relationships and non monogamy at a young age, I found myself surrounded by people who 90% of the time were monogamous, serial monogamists. I often was the only friend or only person in the room with this identity and relationship style. And while I found community online, through books, and little by little throughout the years, it was a mostly isolating experience. Being the friend, or family member explaining to everyone what this meant, what it entails and why I do it. A coming out if you will. Explaining how I wasn't cheating, wasn't having sex every night or involved in a million love triangles with endless drama, I mean theres just not enough time in one week to be focusing on that many people for that to be possible, but yes of course there's drama, like any relationship. Something that I remember hearing often was, "I just couldn't do it I could never" and while I do support everyone making their own decisions about their body, sexuality, and intimacy, I feel that most people say this automatically. Or most people don't take a moment to breathe and visualize what their life would look like if all the structures that they knew to be true about love, marriage, partnership, 1+1=2, romance, loyalty, purity, sexuality, society, and gendered constructs were in fact not necessarily purely that way. That there are possibilities beyond what we have been socialized to think, act, and do. I do feel that as people socialized as women, it can be especially hard to explore and be authentically trying non monogamy for the first time because society already puts so much gendered stereotypes and norms onto what our actions and thoughts supposedly mean about us because we are women. And by being women we are categorized as naturally being more emotional/jealous. We need to be more pure because if we show desire in many people and openly say we like sex or we like pleasure or we like intimacy, ooof then you're promiscuous or a slut or a hoe whatever words you use. So this further creates the difficulty and challenges for some people in starting to begin this unraveling of the self in relation to their gender and their relationship style. Something that really helped me along the journey as I found myself being judged secretly, and openly was to create openness in the ways that I said I don't know, or the ways that I learned in each new relationship and moment in my life. In one relationship we had a rule where we told each other after each time we were with another person romantically/sexually. In a different relationship we told each other only after the third time or when something was bit more serious. And in my first polyamorous relationship there were absolutely no guidelines we just did what we wanted when we wanted and figured it out, in a very messy way..... In acknowledging and becoming aware of the fact that there was no "right" way to do this and that I was not failing at polyamory by simply having relationship challenges and communication hurdles, helped me immensely to give compassion to myself while giving myself agency to create different blueprints of love and communication that worked best for me within that relationship. Creating space to experiment and try new styles/ guidelines, allowed for me to be vulnerable and truly absorb the growth that I received from all my previous relationships. It's like every year you grow another ring of life just like a tree, and you become bigger and bigger more full of experiences, pains, joys and with that you can add and subtract these experiences lessons into your romantic relationships. You're not the same person you were last year, I definitely am not, and while your essence may always remain the same, your soul may remain the same, but your skin expands to allow for more rings, more years, more depth. Taking those new rings and giving yourself space to see how they feel in relation to others really helped me to authentically be me when I didn't really know what the fuck I was doing. And I really still don't know what i'm doing most of the time. I would like to end by adding this beautiful manifesto written by Andie Nordgren, called "The Short Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy" Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique Love and respect instead of entitlement Find your core set of relationship values Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don’t let fear lead you Build for the lovely unexpected Fake it til’ you make it Trust is better Change through communication Customize your commitments (for the longer version, I have attached the full manifesto here )

Written by: Tamar Simone Weir Erotic art uniquely captures the subtleties of intimacy, especially in the queer community. It functions as more than a visual representation; it is a visual language that expresses emotions, desires, and complexities that are often unspoken and not allowed to be spoken. Delving into these themes within queer intimacy offers a deep insight into human connections, and erotic art serves as a lens to better understand these intimate relationships in all their beauty and pain. Through art we can transmute all that is within for those to see. But in terms of the art we see in museums, in galleries, in public spaces, and on the internet, erotic art is somewhat of a taboo, still. In order to find erotic art you really need to search for it, and to seek it out specifically. Go to erotic spaces, find websites that promote other art expressions, otherwise you won't find much outside of the typical art that is "appropriate" and easy on the eye. This can also be seen now at high rates with the influence of social media and how that has affected the representation and suppression of certain content. Many creators and artists battle with social medias control over their art and their livelihood. For many artists, social media is one of the biggest ways that they engage and share their work, but there are many limitations. For people creating erotic art and sexual content, there are many challenges. Instagram for instance, can ban your account for not following their guidelines, but their guidelines have been known to be vague, and to not include nuances that are necessary when engaging in art. Instagram uses their algorithm and AI to hide accounts, to supress your content, and to create a generally confusing/ complicated guideline on where they stand in terms of promoting and accepting your message. Jerry Weiss, describes in detail this phenomenon in, "Of Nudes, a Peeled Orange, and a Loaf of Challah" and dives deeper into the complexities of this suppression. Photo taken by Tamar Weir Suppression of Erotic Art Throughout history, erotic art has faced significant suppression due to cultural, religious, and political factors. This suppression has often stemmed from societal attitudes towards sexuality, morality, and the human body. Middle Eastern Erotic Art Ancient Peruvian Erotic Huaco Greek Erotic Art on Plates  Below are some key points illustrating how erotic art has been suppressed: 1. Historical Context Many ancient civilizations, such as the Greeks and Romans, celebrated eroticism in their art. For the greek people, the naked body had great significance, it was something to be proud of, as it was the recipient of moral virtue. However, with the rise of Christianity and other religious movements, attitudes towards sexuality shifted dramatically. The portrayal of the human body became associated with sin, leading to the censorship of erotic works. In the article," The Christian Concept of Human Sexuality as Sin", the author explores and highlights all the ways that sin is the inability to resist temptation. Matter itself is not evil, but overindulgence in matter (the sins of the flesh) is. Humans are held responsible for evil, and they will be judged by God. The rise of the idea of good and bad, evil and pure, and the concept of sin within christianity created an even bigger divide between the naked human form and desire. 2. Religious Influence Religious institutions have historically played a significant role in the suppression of erotic art. Many artworks were deemed immoral or sinful, leading to the destruction of pieces or the imposition of strict guidelines on artistic expression. For example, during the Renaissance, the Catholic Church censored various works, requiring artists to modify or remove sexually explicit content. This created the fig leaf symbol, which was used as a way to hide and camouflage body parts. This was known to be one of the biggest acts of censorship historically. To learn more about censorship and this phenomenon, here is a great article discussing more in depth about this fig leaf campaign. "Why Fig Leaves Cover the Private Parts of Classical Sculptures" 3. Legal Restrictions In modern times, laws regarding obscenity have further suppressed erotic art. Many countries have enacted regulations that classify certain artworks as obscene, leading to legal battles and the banning of exhibitions. Artists have faced prosecution for creating or displaying erotic works, which has stifled creativity and expression. Even the idea of erotic art being connected to pornography has further pushed the disconnect that our society has around eroticism, sensuality, and sexuality as a whole. 4. Cultural Norms Societal norms and values have also contributed to the suppression of erotic art. In many cultures, open discussions about sexuality are taboo, leading to a reluctance to engage with erotic themes in art. This has resulted in a lack of representation for erotic art in mainstream galleries and museums. Most people are so uncomfortable in their own sexuality, and in their own bodies, that we don't talk about sex and desire, and if we do we limit ourselves to the few aspects that we know are acceptable. The vanilla stuff. The portrayals of sexuality seen in the mass media and around us. That we hide most of our desires, that we don't voice our needs and wants, and that we remain afraid of being open about our sexuality, we hide it with a fig leaf.... Conclusion The suppression of erotic art reflects broader societal attitudes towards sexuality and the human body. Most cultures avoid talking about sex and the naked body. It is seen as vulnerable, as something inappropriate, and shameful. It's somehow appropriate to never open up about how you feel about your body, what your body wants sensually and sexually, and what you want to explore. Its appropriate to carry around shame about your body, to be modest, and to not show enthusiasm about your own flesh, your skin that keeps you alive and breathing. Its Despite these challenges, many artists continue to push boundaries and explore erotic themes, striving to reclaim space for this important form of expression. Queer intimacy isn't just limited to physical interactions; it's a richly woven tapestry that includes emotional closeness, shared experiences, and a celebration of identity. Through the narrative of erotic art, we can uncover the stories behind these intimate connections, exploring how they transcend boundaries and redefine norms. The Interpretation of Queer Relationships Through Art In today’s world, queer intimacy is further articulated through a variety of artistic mediums, including painting, photography, and sculpture. Each piece of erotic art tells a unique story, inviting the viewer into a moment of vulnerability and connection. Consider the use of color and texture; these elements can evoke emotions and signify cultural or personal connections. For example, warm colors might illustrate passion and desire, while cooler shades could represent calmness and depth. Artists utilize these characteristics not just to showcase physical beauty but to explore the emotional landscapes that define queer relationships. The interpretation of these artworks often requires us to immerse ourselves within the narrative they present. Each piece provides a window into the psyche of the artist as well, allowing us to explore their experiences, fantasies, and struggles. Observing how intimacy is represented offers critical reflections on the societal constructs surrounding love and relationships.Much of this art speaks not only to the beauty of intimacy but also to rebelling against the oppression faced by the queer community. These pieces often encapsulated hidden desires, illustrating a yearning for expression and acceptance. As we examine these historical contexts, we can better appreciate how erotic art has been a vessel for documenting queer experiences and identities. "In the end we will be late to work" Artist: Saul G. Corona . Oil on Canvas. Year: 2023 To see more work and to purchase, this art can be found here "A Dream, A Dancehall Queen" Artist: Mekia Machine  Details:  Acrylic on Canvas. Year: 2022   To see more work or to purchase, this art can be found here " Scopophilia 004" Artist: Alex Domenech . Photograph reproduced from a 35mm negative. Year 2023 To see more of this artists work, you can find them for sale here The Role of Vulnerability in Queer Intimacy Vulnerability is a cornerstone of intimacy, especially within the queer community, where many individuals have faced societal rejection, homophobia, transphobia, bigotry, and an overall experience of life that greatly differs from cis straight folks. Erotic art creates a safe space to express these feelings, capturing the fragility and strength inherent in queer relationships. Paintings, sculptures, and even performances can delve into feelings of vulnerability, exploring themes of love, longing, and acceptance. Artists often expose their own insecurities and translate them into a visual form, resonating with viewers on a profound level. The exploration of vulnerability also reveals how intimacy manifests differently within various queer cultures. Each narrative informs the collective understanding of love and desire, reifying the idea that intimacy, in all its forms, deserves celebration. Community and Connection Through Erotic Art One of the most beautiful aspects of queer intimacy is the sense of community it can create. Erotic art often becomes a collective expression, uniting individuals through shared experiences, stories, and cultures and frameworks. LGBTQIA+ artists frequently draw from their own lives, creating union in those who have felt similarly marginalized. Exhibitions featuring this kind of work not only promote these artists but also encourage dialogue regarding queer identity and intimacy. They create safe spaces where individuals can express their desires and navigate their identities freely. This sense of belonging plays a crucial role in redefining what intimacy looks like in the queer community. By referencing collective experiences through art, individuals find empowerment and solace. It reinforces the idea that intimacy is not just a personal journey but a shared experience that resonates within a larger community. Contemporary Expressions of Erotic Art In recent years, contemporary artists have continued to push boundaries surrounding erotic art and queer intimacy. Many use digital platforms to reach wider audiences, breaking away from traditional gallery settings. This democratization of art allows anyone with internet access to engage with these profound narratives. Artists like Zanele Muholi and Ana Mendieta utilize photography and performance to explore themes of identity, desire, and resilience in the face of oppression. Their work not only showcases eroticism but also highlights the everyday lives of queer individuals, imbuing their art with a distinct sense of authenticity and urgency. Through various mediums, contemporary artists articulate a new vision of intimacy that reflects evolving societal attitudes toward love and desire. They challenge pre-existing norms and represent the multi-dimensional experience of what it means to live and exist while being in queer relationships either with others or with yourself. The Enduring Importance of Erotic Art in Understanding Queer Intimacy As we navigate the intricate tapestry of queer intimacy, erotic art serves as an invaluable resource for understanding diverse experiences and emotions. It goes beyond mere aesthetics, exploring the complexities inherent in love, vulnerability, and community. By engaging with these works, we gain insights into the unknown narratives of queer lives and relationships. I remember as I embarked on the beginning of my queer journey, how essential erotic poetry was for me. I would sit for hours and write all the steamy images I felt and sensed. For some it is visual art, and for others it is written, for some it is performance. Whichever style or type of art that you explore if you feel free, it is liberating. If you feel that the desires that are kept tight in your body, and the emotional feelings wound so deep in your core become softer, become tender, continue. Poetry was essential for me during the first few years of my embodied queer self. Reading other queer poets work, investigating and digesting erotic art of all forms, and finding that artistic place within myself, allowed me to find community with the world, and in my own self. Community with the person I was becoming and the person who used new words, used different words to explore all the desire and queerness that had sprouted in me. Below is a poem I wrote in 2021. Pretty Puta  as i picked those pretty pink flowers that lined our backyard, i felt you glancing at me. Subtle silence. it echoed. you echoed. i felt your echoed radiance. and i slipped inside to leave you my flower scent. on your cluttered desk, a smile overcame my whole body as imprinted my gift, my trace, my gift that stuck like glue to your desk.  no doubt this seasonal attraction washes in with waves of thick wetness and cloudy steam.  we live in the same creepy-sounding wooden- lined home at the edge of college town and beach chillness. we froclick in this mini kitchen where two people comfortably fit, but  we find little ways to squeeze and brush and glide past each other anyways. to feel some sort of tightness, a rope fastened to the kinky knot. my curved edges increased, my hot parts saturated with your feeling. coffee aint enough to consume me, im developing a growing sense of appetite for your nourishing nectar and soft cheeks.  mi puta does not wear pink much. they wear my flannel pajama set. mi puta does not need pink to be pretty... The dialogue fostered through erotic art reiterates the importance of visibility in the queer community. It allows a platform for expression and connection, shedding light on the beautiful diversity of intimacy that exists. Ultimately, as we embrace these narratives, we cultivate a deeper appreciation for the rich, fluid nature of love and desire that defines queer intimacy, reminding us that every story deserves to be seen, heard, and celebrated. Not just the easy beautiful ones, but the messy, sensual, expansive, gooshy, mushy, uncensored stories of love and lust.

Written by: Tamar Simone Weir There were two moments that are solidly in my memory, and remain there. Being barely 18, freshmen year of college and at my sisters house. My vulva was really hurting in an unfamiliar way and I knew that something was different, something was wrong. So she said take a picture and show me. And thats what I did. I took a picture in the bathroom and then went back into the bedroom/living room of her studio apartment for us to examine the picture with her then boyfriend now husband. We all looked at the picture and her boyfriend said," From what I can see it looks like herpes".. And in that moment I knew, that he was probably right. If we fast forward a few weeks, I'm at Kaiser and I am getting tested, the doctor swabbing my vaginal area to get a sample of the sore. While she does this she says that she's almost certain that it is genital herpes, but that the sample will confirm. She hands me a booklet about STI's and general information. And that is that. She leaves the room and says the results can be checked online. Her matter of fact way of speaking, and her emotionless gaze, I remember to be so cold that I cried then and there but knew there would be no comfort in the space. The space I would always remember. In the "Women's Health" clinic, but no, you can't expect your doctor to show empathy and have the care in regards to your emotional wellbeing.. I took my little pamphlet and some antiviral medication they prescribed that can be useful for outbreaks, and went back to my freshman dorm to cry in peace. As a new college student with a budding sexual curiosity and in my slut era, this was life altering, this was devastating. I spent weeks hating myself and overanalyzing what this meant for my life, for my sexual life, and my future in college. I knew that there were people around me who were very accepting, but at the same time I did not know other young people my age who also experienced this STI, the one that doesn't go away after a few weeks of medication. I felt very alone, and dirty. The stigma that STI's still carry today, create this deep sense of shame and dirtiness, because when society deems something gross and undesirable, something you don't talk about and avoid at all costs, then it is very difficult to go against that narrative and find the confidence of acceptance. After many weeks of crying daily, of not wanting to think about my sexuality and my body, and putting it off for as long as I could, I began to do the much needed research to answer all my questions and fears, all the looming doubts that Kaiser did not even begin to help me heal from. I'm sure many of you reading this have had great experiences at Kaiser facilities, and have loved your treatment, but from someone who in the same 2 years was diagnosed with herpes in such a cold way, to then being labeled by a different female doctor as a "High Risk Sexual Teen" for openly and honestly disclosing that I had many sexual partners and was in open relationships, it has become a place I don't love. I was permanently labeled as a high risk sexual teen in my medical health history file, one that still today has that label at the top of my chart. Why? I really still do not understand and cannot comprehend why my doctor at the time felt it was necessary to further stigmatize healthy sexual exploration in this way. At the time I remember just laughing it off and being mildly offended when seeing my file later that day, but now it infuriates me. For those people who have been sold this narrative that by openly exploring your sexuality that equates you to being a slut or at risk, you are not alone, this happens at a disproportionately high rate. In " Treating Those Who Struggle With Their Sexual Desire" , David J. Ley Ph.D. explores how in the history of the U.S there has been a long tendency and trend of allowing moral and social biases to intrude upon clinical judgement and treatments. He further states how healthcare is susceptible to influence by social and moral concern and thus has lead to a lot of harm to innocent people. Not only that, but the U.S has a deep history in pathologizing many sexual acts. For instance, masturbation was diagnosed as a mental illness in the early 1800's and physicians concurred that it led to insanity. The article written in the National Library of Medicine also states that, doctors and health physicians were so concerned by masturbation and the links in desire/arousal that they tried to "cure" this by performing circumcisions and clitoridectomies..... There are countless stories within the medical field's history that showcase these extreme levels of fear that society has had around sexuality, and in particular female sexuality. This neglect and pathological view of sexuality remains today strong and alive. This extends to many different aspects of our sexuaity as a species. For instance, within the Kink and BDSM world, there is a very big gap in knowledge and a huge bias among clinicians. In, "Alternative or Nontraditional Sexualities and Therapy: A Case Report", Sprott explores and uses their research to study areas that are heavily under studied. Sprott analyses the frequency that clinicians will experience treating people that have interests in consensual non monogamy, BDSM, or other nontraditional sexualities, and connects that to the insufficient research and resources for clinicians to best serve and provide competent care for individuals. This article states that, 25-30% of clients who practice alternative expressions of sexuality may never tell their therapist, for fear of stigma and reactions which has been supported by research on clinicians reactions to BDSM. This is alarming because this further exemplifies how much stigma there is in the 21st century around sexuality as a whole, and even further when you dive into the less accepted and traditional explorations of the heteronormative monogamous experience.   So why does this all matter? Well when we think of our sexuality displayed in front of us like a movie or a powerpoint, there are many elements to what we see. There is all the beauty and sexyness, but there is also all the pain and shame and fear. All of it is there. Everyone carries the movie of their desires and sexuality, and a majority of the script for our movie, hasn't even come from us, but has been internalized so deep that it seems like it has. I remember the first year after knowing I had genital herpes. The guy who gave it to me had oral herpes, which means that he had the simplex virus (HSV-1). And he gave me genital herpes (HSV-2). Many people don't know this because it is still highly stigmatized and a taboo, but someone with oral herpes can give another person genital herpes and vice versa. This can happen from oral sex and oftentimes happens when one person is unaware that they even have herpes or unaware that their oral herpes is indeed contagious and is part of the same umbrella diagnosis of herpes. The guy that gave it to me claimed he knew he had oral herpes but has had it for so long and didn't think anything of it, didn't know that it could be transmitted to the genitals. Whether or not this is true, I will never know, but what is clear is that there is so much misinformation and general lack of information it is appalling. Illustrator: Paul Scott The Stigma of Herpes in Society The stigma surrounding herpes is a significant social issue that affects many individuals diagnosed with the virus. This stigma can lead to feelings of shame, isolation, and anxiety, impacting mental health, interpersonal relationships, and overall quality of life. The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that over 4 billion people are infected with herpes simplex virus (HSV) types-1 (HSV-1, 3.7 billion cases) and -2 (HSV-2, 400 million cases) . This is a substantial number of people, so lets dive into some key points to consider: 1. Lack of Awareness and Education Many people have limited knowledge about herpes, leading to misconceptions and fear. Just like my herpes experience, many people who are herpes positive, were not consensually given herpes, they did not know that their partner had some variation of the virus.... Common myths include: Herpes is only transmitted through sexual contact. People with herpes are promiscuous or irresponsible. Herpes is a life-threatening disease. Illustration by: Madeson Singh 2. Media Representation Media portrayals often reinforce negative stereotypes about herpes, depicting it as a shameful condition. This representation can perpetuate fear and misunderstanding among the general public. Most movies, even now have undertones or very clearly stated messages of sex negativity, ones that include vagueness and desire without communication. People are supposed to just know what the other body or bodies like to recieve, what they've experienced in the past, and what they want for this moment. All of that is wrapped up in a sensual eye gaze and usually that's the only "conversation" that takes place before the sexual encounter. This type of sexual behavior is very common, the spontaneous desire, where sex is easy and it should just flow if its the right moment, no need for questions, conversations, disclosure, nothing. This has a huge role in the way that young people forge romantic and sexual relationships, because we tend to reenact what we see, therefore creating more confusion and less conversation. Source Unknown 3. Impact on Relationships The stigma can create barriers in personal relationships, as individuals may fear disclosing their status to partners. This fear can lead to: Difficulty in forming new romantic relationships. Challenges in maintaining existing relationships. Increased anxiety and stress about sexual health. The impact on relationships and the most important, your relationship to yourself can be greatly affected. After my diagnosis, I felt constantly anxious about disclosing to people, not just sexual partners, but friends, and other people within my community. The fear I felt came from hearing messages about herpes and other STI's with such negativity and shame based language, one that made STI's seem disgusting and shameful. Although it is a very common experience among people who are sexually active... I remember feeling socially responsible for educating everyone about herpes. I would look online for hours, researching everything there was to know, so that I could properly give them the information that I never received. Slipping in casual facts about herpes throughout the conversation, or giving them the whole speech. Most of my sexual partners after I was herpes positive, had little to no knowledge or experience with herpes. Let's be real most people I know don't get regularly tested for STI's and many can be asymptomatic, but many of these people had only one knowledge base, what they had seen in the media, that it was dirty and gross. Something you don't want. Many people I disclosed to, after giving them all the facts and what I felt, decided that they did not want to engage sexually any further, and looking back I am so grateful for that. It is a great practice in communicating consent, boundaries, and sexual history when you have an STI and want to be honest with others around you. But at the time, it felt like a rejection. It felt like nobody understood me, that I was the messenger for this huge social and sexual issue, and I felt very alone in that experience. Album art by Moule Moule 4. Mental Health Consequences The emotional toll of stigma can contribute to mental health issues, such as: Depression Social anxiety Low self-esteem There were many times where during the first few years, as I was accepting this new reality, and newness of my body, that I felt alienated and unsure of how to be confident in this new body. The first few times I had active outbreaks, they were very uncomfortable, and was something so unfamiliar, that I had to become familiar with, in order to understand this new version of me. What my body needed and what my body was communicating to me was key for me to truly understand and accept that my body was beautiful, and that nobody could validate that for me, only my innermost acceptance of myself would. Artwork by Sofa P. and Vic A. 5. Need for Support and Advocacy Addressing the stigma requires a collective effort, including: Education and awareness campaigns to inform the public about herpes. Support groups for individuals living with herpes. Encouragement of open conversations about sexual health with friends and family More inclusion about sexual diversity Sex positivity discourse Image Credit: https://desis.osu.edu/ Fast forward many years later. .....Fast forward past my first sexual partner after being diagnosed who after I had opened up to him about my body and my new diagnosis, trying to be honest and assess what we both wanted going forward, he did the opposite. He casually mentioned he had it too and didn't think to mention it. Me, 18 and delicately entering this new sexual era of mine, one with many conversations, rejections, and late night researching, was just so happy to have found someone who also had herpes, someone who could understand the experience, and someone who wouldn't judge me, that I completely overlooked and pushed aside the fact that he was not planning on telling me that night that he too had herpes, the way I had practiced in the mirror beforehand. The way I did, he was not planning to, nor did he with his other sexual partners later I found out..... Fast forward many years, many rejections, many people ghosting me out of the blue after I disclosed to them, never hearing from them again. Fast forward to many partners where after I disclosed I basically had to be their only emotional support, their therapist about their sexuality and be the voice of this fucking STI, somehow knowing everything there was to know about this complex issue at 18,19, 20...... Fast forward to some beautiful partners who made me feel appreciated and communicated their own needs for their body. Fast forward to many uncomfortable nights learning all about my body, wearing loose clothes as to not irritate the sores, and lots of water. Fast forward to a man who told me he also had genital herpes, but went to see a spiritual guide, a shaman who literally took the herpes away from his body, who basically sucked it out. It's hard to believe, and I nearly didn't believe it, but he claims he hadn't had an active outbreak in over 5 years after his experience with the shaman. So who knows? But this story did expand my view about what we think we know about our bodies, and the endless possibilities for healing, whether that's in big spiritual ways, or smaller everyday ways like an open conversation where you talk about loving your body. After 8 years of being herpes positive, here are some things I have learned along the way. Important Facts About Herpes: (Whether or not you have it) Types: There are two main types of herpes simplex virus: HSV-1 and HSV-2. HSV-1 typically causes oral herpes, while HSV-2 usually causes genital herpes. Prevalence: Herpes is a common infection . It is estimated that a significant portion of the population is infected with HSV-1, and a substantial number are infected with HSV-2. More than you would think since nobody talks openly about it. Transmission: Herpes is primarily spread through direct skin-to-skin contact. This can occur during oral, vaginal, or anal sex, as well as through kissing. Asymptomatic Shedding: Many individuals with herpes may not show symptoms but can still transmit the virus to others through asymptomatic shedding. Thats why its important to get tested and to be completely aware of your body's status. Symptoms: When symptoms occur, they can include painful blisters or sores in the affected area, itching, and flu-like symptoms during the initial outbreak. Diagnosis: Herpes can be diagnosed through physical examination, viral culture, or blood tests that detect antibodies to the virus. BUT, most clinics do not test for herpes when you get an overall STI panel done, you need to specifically ask for a herpes STI test in addition to your other tests. Yes its true, this happened to me many times, so while you think you are doing the right thing and getting tested, theres a whole big piece that is not included in your test. Treatment: While there is no cure for herpes, antiviral medications can help manage symptoms, reduce the frequency of outbreaks, and lower the risk of transmission. These antiviral medications can be given to you at the doctors, but there are other more natural things you can do to feel more comfortable while having an outbreak, that don't include taking medication everyday. Natural Remedies: A cool compress can help with swelling/irritation. Changing your diet can greatly speed up the recovery process, by boosting your body with vitamins that increase your immune system. By avoiding sugar, alcohol, coffee, and processed foods, your outbreak usually goes away within a few days. Using a topical salve cream has helped me to decrease discomfort. I use salves that include healing ingredients for skin, salves that have calendula, plantain, vitamin E oil, lavender are all great to look out for when using a natural salve. Supplements: Taking certain supplements daily, can lessen how many outbreaks you have, by ensuring your body has the immunity to fight off the virus from activating into an outbreak. A few great ones are 1. Lysine (it is an amino acid that supports healthy stem growth) 2. Probiotics (strengthen immune system) 3. Vitamin C (helps for lower risk of recurrence) 4. Zinc (can reduce frequency of outbreaks) Impact on Pregnancy: Pregnant people with herpes should consult their healthcare provider or research significantly as the virus can be transmitted to the baby during delivery, so it's best to be aware of all the potential outcomes. Source: Society19.com Now entering into 2025, I can confidently wholeheartedly say that I am grateful for my herpes. I am grateful for the experience to deepen my connection with myself and with others. I am grateful for the ways that having an STI has pushed me to have the hard conversations, without bottling up my desires and my limitations, but rather using them as a base for what can be explored from that place. I am grateful for all of the awareness and education I have planted as seeds along the way. Grateful for the ways that I have learned to live with discomfort and bringing comfort in the little ways. I am grateful for the ways that I have opened up conversations that never would have opened up, and the ways that I challenge the social norms and conducts of sexual behavior and attitudes portrayed in the media. I am grateful for the opportunity to engage with a body that is layered, that knows how to speak up, that is sometimes in pain, sometimes in pleasure, sometimes in both, but definitely living and loving curiously. xoxoxoxo

Written by: Tamar Simone Weir Polyamory invites us to rethink love in its many forms. What basically every movie portrays, is the happily ever after of one person to complete you. To fit the gaps in your soul. To fill in those spaces that feel empty without your other half. But what does that mean for what we think and internalize about love? That even being with oneself is insufficient. That being single, is not enough. And while I believe, love has a lot to teach us terms of our capacity to go deep, share, break down and break open, not all moments of expansive love come from being in union with others, it can come from the depths of being in union with ourselves. Children and youth for example are always taught that one day when we are grown up, we will find someone that loves us, that completes us and we will get married. That this vision should be the goal. I remember loving books as a child, would sit in bed for hours and read books, about lovers, family, people navigating their complex lives etc. But what I never saw was options. Options for different types of giving and receiving love. Different types of relationship formations and styles, different ways to manifest love for your future. I only saw boy girl monogamous love stories, the ultimate goal. Of course I never really questioned this because I did not think there were any possibilities outside of this rigidly created mold. I did not think to go beyond this box and look for other ways to love, that is until I went to college. I'm sure most stories begin with this phrase, "College changed me", but truly it did. (I will save the detailed descriptions of my lessons in polyamory from college in another article) Polyamory, open relationships, consensual non monogamy, whatever you want to call it, is also a valid expression and formation for building love. This relationship style, which embraces loving more than one person simultaneously, is like a rich tapestry woven from unique connections and emotions. By using poetry, we can explore the joys and challenges of loving multiple partners. The verses that follow not only highlight the beautiful complexities of these relationships but also remind us of the importance of effective communication and consent. As we explore polyamory further, poetry serves as a dynamic medium that articulates the diverse experiences and feelings of peoples lives . Each poem reflects how love manifests in various ways, deserving recognition, respect, and celebration. The Diversity of Love in Polyamorous Relationships Polyamory is about more than sharing partners; it’s about the belief that love is abundant. Each relationship brings something special, shaped by the individuals involved. For instance, a recent survey revealed that 34% of polyamorous individuals find their connections lead to greater emotional support when compared to monogamous relationships. Consider the poem below, which conveys the essence of varied love: "Im Home" Written by: Manijeh Badiee Polyamory's my home where i know my heart will grow authenticity and care are the flowers that i sow i will be guided by love and not navigate with fear if im curious and kind, then i can truly hear To find more work from this poet/ therapist you can find her work here The beauty of polyamory lies in its ability to weave together a vibrant landscape of emotions where love can thrive in multiple expressions. Each partner plays a vital role, adding their unique song to the collective narrative. This diversity is enchanting, but it requires a deep understanding of personal dynamics and boundaries to cultivate a healthy environment. The Dance of Communication and Consent Open communication and consent are vital in any relationship and become even more critical in polyamory. In 2018, a study found that 70% of respondents cited effective communication as a key factor in maintaining their polyamorous relationships, significantly more than in monogamous partnerships. "Questioning" Written by Moyra Together we talked all night Trying to find an answer to these questions As I told him what was in my heart He knew the answer to our troubles Why didn’t I trust him before? Why did I refuse to believe in him? Together we chose a Lover for me Someone to care for my heart To tend the garden of my soul And the emptiness was filled. Why didn’t we do this before? Why did I refuse to be me? Now my questions have been answered And the light of dawn is no longer feared My heart is full, my soul at ease All for the love of two good men I have been true to my nature And true me, and true to the ones I love. This poem illustrates how vital communication is in ensuring that every person feels heard, valued, and loved amid the relationships. To find the rest of the poem, you can browse the link here   Building Trust through Transparency Transparency strengthens the trust that underpins polyamorous relationships. When partners share their feelings and address concerns openly, they create a safe space for everyone. A proactive approach to communication can prevent misunderstandings, fostering stronger relationships and a sense of acceptance. Personal Poems: Reflecting Real Experiences Poetry often mirrors the personal experiences of those in polyamorous relationships. These authentic voices reveal the multifaceted nature of love. Below is a poem that illuminates this complexity: polyamory [poem] Written by Larissa Lee Posted on 27 Sep 2020 polyamory is never being the forever love in a world that promises a one true match for each of us it is the act of accepting transience in love for the rest of your life even when you know it means everyone will leave eventually it is the terrifying reality of tiptoeing between the landmines in a lover’s mind the ones other people put there to keep you out and it’s knowing you may clear the field of danger just in time for someone else’s forever to begin without you in it polyamory is so many loves like stars but also the vast stretches of black loneliness between them it is never easy This poem portrays the intricacies of love as a shared artwork, emphasizing how each relationship enriches the overall experience. You can find other poems written by this author here Embracing Challenges and Discoveries Polyamorous connections can bring immense joy, but they come with challenges. Jealousy, insecurity, and miscommunication are common hurdles that require careful navigation. Here is an excerpt from the poem: "Polyamory & The Poem: A Zuihitsu" Written by: Shlagha Borah. Published on November 27, 2024 What I’m trying to say is, polyamory is a kind of formlessness. When I first started seeing other people, my partner sent me 275 texts in the middle of the night. He said he wished he’d never met me. [Backspace] That was eleven months ago. What is left of us now is scattered across three oceans. I attempt to find form in the waves. They bruise from the rocks. I lose form to rigidness. “Is the answer not a poem?” – Ching-In Chen. What is the question we’re asking? These challenges present opportunities for personal growth. Recognizing and addressing insecurities can lead to a deeper sense of self and stronger connections. You can find the full poem here Reflecting on Love’s Complexity Polyamory offers a unique look at love that goes beyond traditional norms. Through poetry, we recognize the many emotions present in these relationships and understand the significance of communication and consent. Embracing love in its various forms and the unique stories each relationship brings broadens our perspective on modern love. Love is much more than a single form; it is a vast ocean with depths waiting to be explored. As we contemplate the poems and shared experiences, we are reminded that love is not something that is fixed, just like words, We can see them on paper find their definitions in the dictionary, but what they mean to us is deeply personal and subjective. We are all narrators of the thoughts, beliefs, and love that we bring into our own lives and relationship dynamics. Poetry and written work can remind us that love, has many layers, and that what we have always heard in western society is not the whole story, only a fraction. The larger stories of our love we create, are ever evolving. PS: While doing research and investigation for this piece, I found it very hard to find poems written about relationships that are not monogamous, i searched and searched and found the few that i included above. Of course, I'm sure there are many more out there that i did not find, and if ya'll know of any writers/ poets that explore these themes, feel free to link them below! PPS: This just goes to show how much more we need to open literary fields and the collective experience of love, if the options are so limited on google that I was barely able to find the poems that I did include. Growth, from red to pink. All the hues of love.

Written by: Tamar Simone Weir In my early 20's my entire extended family decided it would be a good idea to get together, in a foreign place, with a beach, with the blazing sun, and quality time. That is the beginning of this nude tale. In the summer of 2019, my family and I spent a beautiful week in Greece, filled with long beach days, big conversations and arguments over dinner, and my uncle coming in late at night after a random greek tinder date. After the week was over, I decided to take a much needed week to myself to explore other parts of this beautiful country, and choose to stay a bit longer by myself, to unwind from the family dynamics, and enjoy the islands. So what did my 21 year old self do? I hopped on couch surfing, and for those of you who are unfamiliar with the app, it is an app that is free, where people host people on their couches, from all over the world. If you have a couch or are looking for a couch, this is the place for you. Essentially it is used to travel and have free accommodation while also creating a sense of community by sharing your space and getting to know other travelers from around the world. I am a very open person, and was excited to give this app a try, while staying on budget. So I looked and in Greece, there were not many couches available, but I did find a few, and based my travels on those places where I had free accommodation. The first place was an island named "Kos". In Greece, there are 6,000 islands, some inhabited and some very popular, but Kos I had never heard of. I sent the couple a message, and within a few days was confirmed to come to this nudist couples home. I remember their profile stating that they were very comfortable and encouraged nudity as a lifestyle, and as someone who already grew up walking around naked I had no problem with this arrangement, I was actually quite curious... I stayed with this couple for about 3 days, and during these three days I learned a lot about them, a lot... The woman was persian, in her mid thirties, and beautiful. The man was greek, in his mid thirties, and bald. Arriving to their home, they showed me the room that I would be staying in, with a queen bed, a fully private extra bedroom all for me, I was ecstatic! This was far better than a couch, and they topped if off by inviting me to join them all around the island to their favorite secret spots. So I was in for a treat. And yes, throughout most of these interactions they were nude, or with very minimal scraps of clothes, just kinda hanging on there, but we had fun. We embarked on our first day together full of surprise. They took me fig foraging all over these scenic routes, filling up our bags with the most luscious and ripe figs, sensuality oozing out of them. Then, they took me to one of their favorite restaurants with an amazing view, and ordered the most flavorful dishes. I remember feeling intrigued by this woman, who I now forget her name, but her essence remains the same. This powerful persian queen, an artist, who talked poetically and had such a genuine energy. Whereas her partner, who at this point I also forget his name, had a very dominant, controlling energy, he was a massage therapist and had this rigidity to him. Then as the night began, they took me to their favorite secret hot springs nestled on the coast, right next to the calm sea, these big rocks creating a hot tub full of spring water just for us. And on the twinkly lit sky, I asked them their love story, how they met. He said, well it all began one day, when I received a message on couch surfing from this beautiful young woman, she said she was traveling all around Europe and Greece, and needed somewhere to stay. She found Kos island, because in farsi it means pussy. Kos (کس) means vulva/pussy . Lis (لیس) means licker is from the verb Lisidan (لیسیدن) which means to lick. It literally means “The Pussy Licker”. So with that information, she decided to stay on the couch of some random man, because how could she not explore pussy island! She had to... And from there, little by little they began their romance, sweet moments together, nude of course, and she decided to never leave... A trip to the pussy island turned into living on the pussy island and hosting other cheap travelers who didn't mind the nude lifestyle on pussy island. I thought this was an intriguing story, because here she is, shinning in the moon light, truly beautiful, from a country not too far away, but definitely not close by either, who decided to stay here with this nude, bald, massage therapist.... Definitely not the most likely pair, but somehow they were making it work.. Fast forward a few days, many nude beach trips to the beach walking distance from their house, basically in their backyard, we are having a calm evening back at their house. The bald man suggests he give us massages at the same time and that he has done them before so he is experienced in the double massage method, whatever that is. I just wanted a free massage so I was in! We laid down on the mats on the living room floor, and undressed. Normally massages are nude so this was not too out of the ordinary, but instead of putting a cloth over us like most massage therapists do, he just left the body open and naked. So here we are two persian queens, one young and one middle aged, getting simultaneously massaged by a man having the time of this life. Literally, having the time of his life, putting so much effort into it. Doing the most extreme stretch position's on us. I remember at one point our legs were up almost touching our heads and as he was massaging the under part of our legs, and is just on the edge of the inner thighs, grazing ever so lightly the vaginal area..... Never touching but so so close.... After the massage fizzled out they both looked at me with eager eyes, and casually mentioned, "You know he is really good at eating pussy if you want we could continue the massage and see where it leads us". Somehow shocked, and also very relaxed, I did not know how to respond. I remember wanting to explore with this woman who was giving me a tempting offering, but had 0 ounce of attraction to her bald king, no matter how good he was I just could not picture the three of us entangled with this pussy licker on this pussy island. And at the time I had not explored my sexuality and had not had many female sexual partners, so expressing that I only had sexual desire for her, and not for him did not seem like something I could confidently communicate. Although, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm sure he would have been more than happy to sit in the corner and watch as we explored our bodies on the massage mats. They were pretty kinky, from the stories they shared over dinner..I decided not to say anything and pass up on the opportunity to have a threesome in Greece on my solo adventures, and told them I was really tired but loved the massage. Looking back on this phenomenon now, I can see the nuances, like did this situation happen often? Were there many young girls who didn't mind nudity and who got offered this tempting massage experience, or was I the only one? Were they really truly nudists who just loved to be without clothes and without the sexual connection to the sexualized naked body? Or were they very sexual people who used their nudity to engage in more sexual behavior with others? Are they still dating? Does she still live on pussy island or has she moved on to another island? There are so many unanswered questions to this story, that I will never get the answer to, especially since the couch surfing app is no longer free, and therefore I no longer have my old account. Not only was I a young person, much younger than them, in their own home, but I was also nude which in some aspect does invite and create some level of vulnerability. With that being said, I never felt taken advantage of or uncomfortable in the sense that it left me feeling negatively about the situation. Maybe if I were a less sexually open person and less accustomed to nudity this would have been a completely different experience, maybe even traumatizing. Maybe if I was a different person I would have said yes to the massage with a happy ending, and gotten a good story out of it, pussy licked on pussy island I mean theres nothing better than that right??? Whats the point to this story? I guess not all happy endings are given in massage clinics, with a paid tip, and by a random person, sometimes they can be suggested in the living room by two strangers who find you really attractive.

Written by: Tamar Simone Weir In 7th grade, my small arts middle school decided it would be a good idea to take a field trip to the beautiful San Francisco. This was to be the day of all days, the day that we would dress up in our best outfits, pretend we were not 12 year olds, and feel the wind on our skin from the city breeze. I remember looking forward to this day for many weeks, building up the anticipation, and already planning out my outfit including all the accessories. Growing up in a small town, going to the big city was something ultra exciting, worth all the diary entries, and emails sent to friends. At the time, I had never had any infections, and was just beginning my journey of self pleasure, figuring out my body and feeling the butterflies in my stomach when watching kissing scenes online or in movies. The sexual awakening was starting slowly, but the seed had been planted and was sprouting. So when it came time to go on this field trip, I was unaware of all the possibilities that the vulva had, all the fluctuating environments and ecosystems within the body. But I was in for a treat. As we browsed the stores, way too excited to enter forever 21, I started to feel intense itching. The itch was unlike any itch I had experienced. This itch would not go away no matter how many secret itches I did in corners of the stores.. Each time we walked into a new store, continuing our adventure, the itch would come back, in full force, again and again, reminding me of the discomfort. In my head, as a pre-teen I knew something was off, but did not have the awareness or language to seek for help, I did not even know that this feeling and discomfort in my body was a common experience for many people. A good ol' yeast infection. My very first one. So what does one do when their outer and inner labia feel like they're on fire, and your every thought is consumed by an itch you don't know how to describe. You suffer, you suffer for many days, and itch all throughout the field trip, eventually giving up caring if anyone sees you, cuz its too hard to care in the H&M. Whats my point in sharing this story? Well since this first experience, I have had many yeast infections over the years. And a common misconception that I hear often is, infections and yeast infections are a result of sex... And while often times sex can trigger yeast infections for various reasons, you do not need to be sexually active to get a yeast infection, you can be a pre- teen in their awkward stages of growing up, and get the itch. Its possible and happens. According to Yale Medicine, yeast infections can occur for various reasons, some being; lack of sleep, prolonged moisture in the area, stress, and anything that can offset the PH balance. Other common reasons for yeast infections are, weakened immune system, irritants like soaps/ products, antibiotics, and hormonal imbalances near the menstrual cycle. So as you can see, there are so many ways that yeast infections can begin, most unrelated to the act of sex altogether. This information is crucial for youth to be aware of, because for most teens, sex education is minimal, entirely focusing on abstinence, and the dangers of sex, but what is not included is health in the larger picture of the body, and pleasure. The ways we can enjoy our bodies and the bodies of others, as we explore what it means to have a body, in a time where our bodies are constantly changing. You would think the sexual health education would be comprehensive in order to dive deep into all of the changes that youth face, year after year beginning in puberty, but that is not the case. According to Duke Center for Global Health , only 39 states out of 50 states in the US require sex education, and out of the 39 states, only 13 require medically accurate sex information.... And out of the 13 states, only 9 require that the education is inclusive towards LGBTQIA+ folks. What does this mean for all the youth out there, that are beginning to sprout with curiosity, their seeds growing into questions, and desires? This means that the majority are left out of the discussion, and shame gets watered instead of knowledge and safe communication. The United States is one of the countries in the global north that have one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy, and this is directly related to the education that kids receive. For instance, in the Netherlands they begin their sex education in kindergarten, empowering children to get to know their bodies, and feel comfortable in their own skin, and this results in their teen pregnancy rate being 5 times lower than that of the U.S. In the United States, we teach youth to fear their bodies, that sex and desire is bad, and only results in negative consequences. We teach them that sex will lead to pregnancy and STI's, and it is true that in the U.S the pregnancy and STI's rates are higher, but it is not what the system tries to tell us. The rates are not higher because people are having more sex, on the contrary. People are not having more sex, but the sex they are having, is not in the framework for sex positive learning. There is no discussion on boundaries, desires, consent, safe sex, contraception options, variations in the spectrum of desire and sex acts. None of this is included, so then for the people engaging in sex, their knowledge is extremely limited... leading to these consequences. The American Sex Education system is failing our students, it is failing our nation, and it is failing all of us wether or not we would like to admit it. The fact is, we are all going to make mistakes, feel moments of shame or disconnect, miscommunication, or disappointments. That happens to most of us. But what creates lasting change for our sexual health and relationships is knowledge, confidence, and communication. Most people into their adulthood do not know how to communicate their sexual needs and wants. Their do's and don'ts. Most people have heavy shame around their fantasies, their sexual history, or about their own bodies. Most people are confused about sex, and not just teenagers, this is a common thread amongst our society. But what unites and binds us together, is the need for sex education along with our other education in our schools. Sex education is more than just about sex. It teaches us about caring for others, it teaches us about history, psychology, sociology, literature, culture, anatomy and so much more. It teaches us how to have active participation and awareness over our emotions and experiences, teaches us to be sex positive in light of all the shame that society inflicts on us every day. It teaches us joy. It teaches us about the dark and the light. The balance. It teaches us how to be accountable. It teaches us to be active agents in our own lives. It teaches us how to thrive, and not just survive.

Written by: Tamar Simone Weir I remember the first time exploring my queer sexuality with another woman, she looked at me at a party, drunk and wanting something from me. I on the other hand, sober but interested in seeing what could come. I gave her my number and we met on a weekday, in her apartment, undecorated and a bit stale. She invited me to a cheap glass of wine and to talk for a bit before we went to the bedroom. Her bedroom consisted of some art on the wall, a desk, and a twin bed. All I remember is that at some point she pulled out her speaker and told me that she had a playlist that she uses. So I thought she was trying to create the vibe, but she explained to me that she uses her speaker as a vibrator, since she couldn't afford one, and it does the job. As a pretty open minded and curious person, I was intrigued. So , she starts playing certain songs and the songs vibrate in a way that works.... As a new queer person, figuring out my style and techniques I was confused as fuck, imagining all the different items that could be used for pleasure, and even now 6 years later, exploring queerness, I still have not met anyone who uses their vibrator or their lovers for the purpose of vibrating on that clit, but now I know, it can be used, and does provide great results if needed. Fast forward to COVID 3 years later, returning to my college town, feeling changed from this vast experience of sickness and global panic, I moved into a queer home, where all 7 of us shared in some way this identity. A supposed safe space. Within the first week I started having these feelings for my housemate, that lived directly downstairs from me. Them in the room attached to the stairs, and me in the room with all the windows. Our romance started very slowly, sitting by the fire, finding our hands touching somehow, not knowing how they got there, but that was the first embrace where a romantic flame was lit. If we fast forward a bit, our other housemates who were in a committed relationship, had intense feelings about our connection, stating some things that I now know are problematic, but at the time, felt catastrophic as they stated that I could not possibly have real feelings or know what i want since im a new queer girl. That I was too inexperienced to have real feelings for someone, and that I would ruin the house for everyone in my search and exploration of my deepest intimate desires ..... Well, turns out they were wrong.. because we continued feeling intensely for each-other and after 7 months, I invited her to move into my parents house, a few hours away, and travel together abroad. She ended up living there with my whole family, on our family farm for a year.... Every few months, we would go on a few month long journey farming in new places and traveling together. We created something beautiful together, and were together in a polyamorous relationship for 3 years, before she broke up with me over facetime, a week before I was to return to California and see her. Quite a sad ending, for a beautiful beginning. As heart broken as I was, I knew this was the right place for us to be, I knew this was the right decision although I wouldn't have decided that myself. But amongst, moldy walls and california waves, through all the years together, I explored what my identity meant for me. This closeness allowed me to reach beyond what I knew love and romance to be, and enter paths that didn't always feel the most comfortable, but challenged me in all the best and most sezy ways. I remember solo traveling one time and my friends 3rd cousin making a move on me. We were all watching movies in her dads bed and cuddling, because touch can also be innocent right? Well this was not. She was quite a bit younger than me, which made me organize her in my head as the 3rd cousin, showing me around, being nice. But when she turned around to kiss me, this lil argentine fling begun. Every night after that for the rest of the trip we had sex in her twin bed in the other room, her father soundly asleep. Her thong getting lost amongst the sheets, her dad hosting me and feeding us breakfast the next morning. Within that one week I met her grandparents, traveled via airplane with her family, went to a concert, and said goodbye dramatically at a bus station. She now is in college, thriving, with a partner, piercings, and probably still wearing a black thong.... So although my first queer relationship did not last as long as I thought, It also lasted longer than I thought, and provided so much beauty in the form of understanding, trust, and partnership and friendship, something that often times in hetero dynamics, is hard to find. So for all those curious souls, listen to that voice, sit by a fire and find those hands drift to warmth, and don't be scared of a little black thong if it finds your way to you.

Written by: Tamar Simone Weir After eating a fresh salad one night, I was reflecting on the access to sexual toys, sexual care, and sexual tools. Browsing the internet, and all these beautiful sites of sexual toys, I found myself wanting all of them, wanting to buy them all and explore what type of pleasure comes. And as someone who is dedicated to sexual exploration for myself, and for the education of others, I do choose and have the privilege to afford to buy these toys. But not all folks have that same access, many people with marginalized identities especially, do not have access to toys, and sexual exploration in that way. Vibrators can cost between $20-300 normally, and if you want good quality toys, you will be looking at $200-300 for one toy, that maybe at the end of trying it, you realize it's cool, but not for you. Or maybe you hate it, or at best, maybe you fall in love and it becomes your new friend every night before bed....So when deciding to commit to a vibrator it can be challenging to decide, when you may end up not feeling satisfied with your purchase, and unless you have hundreds of hundreds of dollars, you most likely wont be buying these new vibrators. The next evening, when my new milk frother arrived, to finally make homemade lattes, I looked at the advertised 3 speed function, chargeable, and with a very intense power, and immediately thought about if this new kitchen item could be used as a vibrator, or somehow be utilized for pleasure outside of lattes.... And as of now, I have not tried using this new kitchen toy in a sexual way, but what I will say is that, we can be creative with tools, with items, and with our bodies, as long as we keep in mind some key factors. When using fruit or veggies, you always want to make sure that they are disinfected and washed, and that they are organic, because at the end of the day you want to have peace of mind that whatever is going in or on you, is clean and going to make you feel good right??? And in general, when you buy a high quality vibrator, they will ensure that it is made with good materials, body safe silicone or safe textures. But of course, when playing around with veggies, you don't necessarily have that certainty, so its always important to wash!! Also, the best way to ensure that you are being safe, even if a penis is not being inserted, is by putting a condom on the veggies you are using, in this way you can make sure that the bacteria is not entering into your genitalia. Another key element when searching for alternative toys for play, is making sure that the item you choose is smooth, if you rub it on the skin of your hand and it feels uncomfortable, you probably wouldn't want that inside of you. And in terms of which vegetable to use, a few that are good options in terms of the shape are bananas, eggplants, carrots, and cucumbers! But of course, experiment with what feels good for you, and follow your curiosities. Pleasure looks and feels different for every person, for some that may be choosing one vegetable over another, for others it may be choosing a fruit to rub on their body and use sensually as external play. Whatever variation is beautiful. The journey for pleasure is a continuous exploration, that takes curiosity, willingness, and time. Wether or not you are interested in trying a cucumber as your next sexual fantasy, or remain happy with your vibrator at home and eating cucumbers only in salads, the choice to see what your personal preferences and desires are, are in your hands. Certainly, there is no need to always go after the next best vibrator, or sex toy, if you don't have the financial access and privilege, and even if you are someone who loves to buy all the new toys, there is something special about exploring something new, something less traditional, and something sexy. So next time you're at the market, buying your fresh produce for the week, and a cucumber catches your eye or some other item, maybe there is a desire there to explore!

Written by: Tamar Simone Weir. October 13, 2024 I woke up one Saturday morning, the sun blindingly bright, running late in my silk dress. Late and stressed, I stopped at the "cabeza de res" taco stand, ordering a plate "con todo", and scarfed it down. Eating way too fast, but not willing to be late to my first time live nude modeling in front of people who weren't my friends, lovers, and in the mirror after the shower, in all that mist. It's interesting because, for a long time I believed that being naked meant freedom, liberation, and acceptance. Since I can remember, as a child and baby I was always running around naked, i loved swimming naked, playing, and just being. I remember hiding my body as a teen, feeling the anguish and insecurities of not finding the right balance of hiding my body and showing off my body. People told me both things, reinforced both messages, and it was all too confusing. So should i be insecure about my body, skinny little legs, unibrow, faint mustache, and darker features than lots around me? Or confident, as people would also tell me later in my youth that my skin tone was perfectly olive, and that I could be a model, that all the boys would be lucky to have me. And the cars passing by, honking their horns and screaming whatever they liked as I walked to get candy at the store. The acceptance of my body was something natural and divine to me in my childhood, but became dense and convoluted in my youth and young adult life. Feeling exhausted by being sexualized but also not knowing another way, to be outside of the male gaze, in my own experience, unconnected and unbothered. As I grew into myself, started to grow out my body hair in college, experiment with dying my hair, different styles, different experiences of being a woman took shape. The outward image of my beauty and my inward emotions returned to that of my childhood, being comfortable just being, (or at least most of the time). I began to truly love myself physically, and explored so many different ways of expressing myself with my fashion. All of these moments in my young adult life, created a more solid foundation for my nakedness, for my true self, and loving her with all her hair and texture. As someone who loves to swim at nude beaches, to be naked as i plant seeds in my garden, and exist without clothes, I was always curious of nude modeling. I have attended classes for figure drawing, and although i don't draw much, loved the experience of appreciating form, lines, and skin. And so when it was my turn to model, I became nervous and excited, jittery and alive. I walked into that room on the 3rd floor, white walls with stains, and tables all around. Only a few people, and an intimate space on the outskirts of the city. I saw myself sitting on that block in the center of the room, starting off with 1 minute, then 5 minute, then 10 minute, and finally 15 minute poses. Sitting there being observed, analyzed, drawn, helped me to appreciate myself more. And as i sat there, in each new pose, the tacos rumbled in my stomach, wanting to process its way out of me. In each pose, the urge to fart intensified, and with the soft instrumental music playing in the background, i knew that wouldn't be enough to drown out the sound of "live model farting her morning tacos". When you're a figure drawing model, your job is to be still, to be silent, to just be. And for me my life is always in motion, and especially in the nude, I normally am in movement with other bodies or with myself, so this was different. In each pose, my mind would be planning out the next pose, what I should be doing, how to make the pose more creative, cool angles, and at the same time, my wrists hurt, my hair tickled my cheeks, and I kept thinking, "Am i even sitting up straight?" But whats beautiful about figure modeling is that, all bodies are excepted, or at least, they say. There are no auditions, no need to walk in front of a panel and show off your features, no need to convince, because the subject is not the societal beauty of the body, but the body in form. The beauty of the ancient practice of art, desire, and honoring. The human body can be seen in large marble statues in various museums all around the world, in famous artistic books, and in historical texts. And with all of this being said, although technically any body and any person can be a figure model, it can be challenging to take the step to decide to be a model, in the gaze of others, even if the intention is artistic, because especially as a cis woman, i am constantly being sexualized and gazed upon, so why put myself in a situation of feeling vulnerable or uncomfortable? I will continue to explore figure drawing in different spaces and in different aspects, to further feel the experience of letting go of shame, insecurities, and this "not enough" mentality. My first experience was held in a studio in Oaxaca, Mexico so I cannot speak for all models experiences and in other geographical locations, but what i can say is that, seeing many eyes gazing thoughtfully and creating art is very different than the unwanted gaze of soceities beauty norms, hyper-sexualization, and shit that goes down on the street, when you're just trying to walk to get some candy at the corner store.

Written by: Tamar Simone Weir. 2020 As a child I was constantly told by my parents to be who I wanted to be. They encouraged me to blossom into my own person as I ran around the house naked and asked a million questions. The confidence my parents instilled in me was the core of how I became the person I am today. Not only that but, since I am the youngest child of three, I remember feeling as though questioning my older siblings was the portal to adulthood whatever that meant. The concept of gender and sexuality was never explicitly discussed in the house when I was young but, as I recall with fondness the memories of my childhood, I remember no hostility or reluctance to discuss these identities and topics. In my early years I was fond of being naked, more so than other children. I remember vividly wanting to be naked and dancing around constantly. I had no inhibitions, that was clear! My being was authentic and although I felt I was a young girl, I never questioned my gender because I always felt comfortable and safe with myself and others around me.  I grew up in Napa, California, a small town where diversity was lacking and difference was not encouraged. But my mental capacity grew as I started puberty and my questions only intensified as well. I remember feeling unusually angry, especially towards the people with whom I was closest, and agitated at the most random times. It seemed as though I would intentionally pick fights with my parents, that never went unresolved but caused lots of frustrations. About? I did not know that yet, but I saw and felt my body changing in a momentous way and did not know whether to jump up and down in excitement or cry. I did both, a lot.   As I grew into a young woman I felt this radical change would affect the rest of my life, and even at the time I knew how special this stage in my life was, (probably because my mom reminded me every day). When I was in 6th grade things started to get harder because I lost some of that childhood confidence and worried about people judging me and thinking I was stupid or unpopular. I wanted deeply to look like everyone else and be someone I wasn't. I sadly remember my mom one day hugging me as I cried in her arms shakingly telling her “I'm ugly” and how her immediate reaction was comfort and covering up all the mirrors in the house with sheets so that I could stop being so critical of myself. Although my family and friends were extremely supportive in my journey, becoming a woman was a new unknown territory that made me feel badly about all the aspects of myself I used to love.  In high school my first boyfriend and I were completely inseparable, young love was real for us at the time. I did anything and everything for that boy, so much so that I was blinded by the reality of our relationship. I was in a deeply emotionally abusive relationship that contained heavy amounts of pressure, manipulation, and guilt. After a little over a year I broke up with him and at that moment as he cried into my arms begging me and ensuring me he would change, I felt a specific calmness inside, one that would remain no matter what he said. Sex in that relationship was not for my pleasure, but rather the emphasis was him reaching an orgasm, and me doing all the work. If sex did not go according to that plan there would be serious fights which over time led me to feel unempowered by my body and sexuality. I didn't know what I wanted, but I did know that what I was doing was all for him, and that didn't seem right.  Growing from that experience I learned that I needed to do my own research, touch my own body, and be comfortable in my own sexuality even if I did not have all the answers. My relationships afterwards were much more open and allowed me to explore what kind of sex I liked, reaching orgasm sometimes but not often. I still felt the same feeling of the men's pleasure put before mine a majority of the time. As I talked with my friends, some of them had not reached orgasm yet and also agreed with my experience of having sex with men. Currently as a young college student I am very in touch with who I am. I am a Persian Israeli American woman and have experienced both the negative and positive aspects of getting to know my body. My relationship to my body now is something that I work on every day as I try to be mindful of the fact that there should not be one set standard of beauty. The more I repeat this mantra the more I believe that beauty comes from within. My biggest struggle right now is exploring who I am in the bedroom and what I want sex to look like. In the past I often felt pressured to suck a man’s dick, or to put their orgasm before mine in most cases, and to not speak up clearly about my wants and needs. I’ve felt a lot of shame surrounding the vocalization of my wants, which has led me in the past to be silent. But I have also engaged with partners more recently who are much more open and this has allowed me to feel comfortable enough in my own body to vocalize what feels right for me.  For my experiment I decided to try something new sexually, I pegged a man! I cannot even begin to describe how this made me feel. It made me feel liberated, powerful, sexy, and vulnerable all at the same time. As I put on my strap on I noticed that I felt shy and awkward. Having this phallic, purple, heavy mass situated on my groin area was unfamiliar and exciting. I then went into an alter ego or different version of myself and carried that throughout the whole sexual experience. I found myself more often than not wondering and questioning if what I was doing was pleasurable and enjoyable enough for him. I noticed on the flip side that previously with sex it seemed as though my pleasure had not been considered in this way. I also noticed that I loved being dominant and in control, given that usually I have been put into the submissive role. I have even accepted it and enjoyed this role, but the more I have self reflected the more I have realized that this role was given to me and not chosen by me. I needed to switch things up and thank god I did because the new sensation I received by being the person in control and being the person who is fucking the other person was amazing.   Reflecting on the experience has been beneficial for me because it has allowed me to see all the ways that being a woman has affected the role I have played in my sexual experiences. Being a woman has forced me to fit a certain model of a person during sex and as a consequence has made me feel devalued and less than. I consider myself to be an empowered woman, but up until I had pegged a man I don't think I fully grasped the fact that sex could take many shapes and forms not only conceptually speaking but in my own reality. I am a woman but I can also create and manifest what I want to see and feel. Those moments do not have to be chosen for me by men and do not have to remain fixed. I am constantly growing. And through that knowledge I am slowly, slowly able to heal myself from my past, and manifest a vision that is real and true without feeling my pasts shame, guilt, fear, or helplessness. I am me and that is for me to decide.